While researching Auckland hotels I did a search for Auckland top hotels, hoping to see my luxury 5 star hotels in Auckland page ranking first. To my surprise google actually had a special section with Top Hotels Auckland.
Interesting, I thought. I wonder if they have those for negative terms too? It turns out they do, but you have to work for it. Smelly Hotels got me nothing. But Squalid Hotels…
Now I’ve not stayed at IBIS Budget, but Cordis is a lovely hotel. Not in the least bit Squalid.
What else have you got Google. Show me revolting hotels.
Once again I’ve only been to The Sebel Viaduct Harbour. It’s clean, spacious, and has the most amazing views of the Viaduct Harbour. It’s at the top end of the 4 star category and the location is the best possible. It couldn’t be less revolting.
By now I was using a Thesaurus, and a dictionary. Mangy Hotels Auckland.
Now if you’ve ever been to Mangere that’s a fair question. There’s 6 or 7 nice hotels near Auckland airport but after that they do start to get a bit mangy.
A student hostel does sound like it might be mangy but I’d give them the benefit of the doubt.
Violent Hotels Auckland. Yep google’s got a special section for that. Why? Your guess is as good as mine.
Scummy Hotels Auckland. Well maybe they kinda have a point. These aren’t top of the list for places you want to spend a vacation but really I think google might be a little harsh.
Auckland’s dullist hotel? Now the first one I kinda agree with, but Heritage Auckland has a rather exciting rooftop pool.
Vomit Hotels. That’s what people want.
And why the Hilton? Did someone throw up off a cruise ship parked next to it. Nope it appears someone didn’t like the food served while in isolation there. I’ve eaten at Hilton’s Fish Restaurant several times, and I can assure you the food is excellent.
I didn’t have time to dig into the stories behind Auckland Bed Lice Hotels.
Or figure out why Auckland University is a Loathsome Hotel.
Or wonder why google thought these images of 5 star hotels were detestable.
By then I was off down a rabbit hole. I’d discovered hotels in towns with funny names. Who knew there was a town called Damp. Or that people would pay $210 a night for a Damp 3 Star Hotel?
I did pause briefly to wonder if I’d ever created a case study that might display in a context like this….
Turns out there’s a town called Poo as well and it’s got plenty of Poo Accommodation. A little childish I know. But I’m not finished yet…
What surprised me about Hell was not how cheap the rooms are but that it’s closed for covid as well.
There’s also a town called Intercourse. Where you guessed it you can have Luxury Accommodation Intercourse for as little as $167. Which is about what I’d expect to pay just for the accommodation.
For some people a Best Western Hotel isn’t enough. They want a Best Western Plus Intercourse.
The great state of Georgia has a town called Climax.
When I think of the great towns and cities of Austria, I think of Vienna, Salzburg, Fucking. Yes that’s right Fucking. Austria has fucking town called Fucking.
I’m not sure how many hotels there are in Fucking but apparently there’s at least 14.
In most cities you can search for a romantic hotel and find one. Try that in Fucking and you’ll get a whole different set of results.
